Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Yesterday's Part II

After J. made me laugh I headed to Kohls to return the pants and return to
Him and his game.
Him pitching.
I grabbed the wheel chair to support me and the pants to the back of the store.
Then I quickly look for shirt, maybe?
Then my body crumbles.
And I hurt really bad in my gut. In my feet. lower legs. Shins.
The bathroom calls.
My feet carry me as fast as my discinergrating muscles can carry me.
And I'm there a long time.
And I am tired.
I move the clothes I'd found out of the wheelchair and I sit in it finally.
I move forward to get outta there and back to him.
I need water and I chat with a gal who knows my pain.
It takes me time to get out and an Orange Julius to help replenish what I lost.
But I see him bat!
Does he know my eyes are on him? I watch him ready to hit, practice swinging.
He almost nails two cars. One of which is mine. I knew that was why the spot was open.
But i had to see him: My ball player.
It is late. Middle of the night. I ache so badly through out my body for pushing so hard to get to him.
J., when I was doing that return you were all that was on my mind.
Overcoming disease, physical therapy for the injuries from others actions.
I just want to be there for you. But I can't always be there. I am in my heart. I hope you feel that.
the bottoms of my feet are burning-because of prednisone desimating the fascia, the ligaments, the tendons.
I am going to put ice on my feet. It was great when you came home from the game.
Awesome ending to your first game.
Big hug,


  1. I found a comment from the patient profiling article and your words really touched me. I have lost just about every friend I have had because if chronic pain / nerve disease. I would love to be able to speak with you to learn how you cope and fund out what I am doing wrong to have lost my friends. I can't go out much if at all and I'm sure that added to their departure but I would never ever abandon a friend and I have been thru a similar situation with a friend and was there til the end. She was sick for 7 years. I know not having a girlfriend is impacting me physically. I love my husband to death and he absolutely is and has always been my best friend but there are times when you just need a girlfriend.

    1. Amen! Girlfriends are the psychiatry equivalent! We can dump our fear, frustrations, trials, recipes, good news, or brain storm on motherhood, the man in our life- etc. etc.

      Please, girls, read susanbranch.com- she is older but she refers to her readers (us) as girlfriends and boy, do you feel like it!

      Reading her blog is like coming home from practice after school and slumping into a chair up to the table that is laid out in delicious goodness. (food)

      For sure I will be your friend! Heck, ya need a lot of them. When we work together instead of against one another we will do great things.

      We have the capacity to do so much and when we add our girlfriends..... they have saved my life when my cup was empty. They have lifted me when I could not move. I can't wait to thank them properly. Paying it forward is one way. But I hope for the day when we all sit down on that other side of this life and get a good talk in. Glad time is infinite because it will take that long for me to tell them everything that I wanted to and will want to, I'm sure.
      I just hope I am hooked up with a great guy by then because I will need to have someone to make Rhubarb Pie for!

  2. By the way. I did this as an anonymous person only because my name is so unique. I have literally only met one other person with my name and that was in the UK when I was 10 yrs old. I'm 40 now. So forgive me for not having enough courage to put my name. I'm hoping we can chat by email or something. Hope you are having tge best day you possibly can today and are able to see your son play ball.

  3. Dear A- I hope you don't mind that I posted your comment. I feel like it can help someone. I ache that you have had to endure this alone. One thing I did not add to my posts is that, sometimes, no matter how many friends we have, we have to pass through some things alone.
    Our loved ones, like those who watched Christ on the cross, can only stand by and hope.
    They are there but they can't take away our trial. Mortality has random and yet specific tests that we have to take on.
    You mentioned family. They must hurt to watch you suffer and I hope you also are able to watch them do the simple things in life. I love kids!
    Especially when they learn to pump themselves on a swing and click their own seat belt. Oh, and ride a bike. Done. Done. And done! whew!
    Your Friend,
    And hold tight on the email and PO BOX address. I am going through a tough row right now but will get to it as quickly as I can.


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