Sunday, March 1, 2015

Delight, Piggy & Dirt & Date I was Born

When darkness falls,
(Piggy & Dirt's 'Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds star. Find on etsy!)Lucy In The Sky -clear patterned stained glass star with rainbow prism center
Stars appear
Evening Angels Gather Here.
(I love how Becky and Kurt can pull the stars from the heavens with their talent so we can mingle with the angels on those dark nights! And bright nights!)

FebRuary was my birthday month!
 So I commited to blog about what I love the whole month.
Hence all the stars.
(This is not a real diamond, thieves. Nothing to break in and steal here, please.)

And I tried to read or listen to what I loved to the best of my ability.

FocusedNoelle Smith's bio: Focused

Ghost Boy: bio of Martin Pistorius (not the murderer athlete but the young boy who fell into a coma,
awoke, spent 9 years inside his body unable to communicate a single word.

Image result for picture of Martin PistoriusOr let them know he had better brain capacity than a two year old, like his doctors diagnosed.

Listen to good music- a few months ago J. and I were on some errand, he turned on the random radio young kids listen to and I enjoyed some songs. Others were, meh. And others I had to have him turn it because it was annoying.

 "I feel smarter when I listen to music like the CDs I have." I told him. I was referring to some that are of the more calming variety. Usually they help me on dark nights as well. But I decided that that's what we would spend most of our time listening to.

A very smart friend of mine once told me music - as with mathmatics- is in nature. I am not that smart and told her: "I don't get it." I couldn't pick up a rock and say: "Ah, that's b flat. "

Good music, and the right volume, helps me keep my mind "open".  It can describe my feelings when words can't. After a great experience/few hours with Jaden I was very happy but suffering.

When J. asked how I like it and if I had fun he was confused by my answer. - he was confused that I said I was happy but that I was tense. Literally. I couldn't walk really.

 A section of a song explained it. J. IS musically inclined. So when I showed him with the song he said" "Ohhhhh!", as if quantum physics just clicked in his brain.

Some things happened (see past posts) that made it hard to read, blog, write my letters, return texts, or even move.  kinda bummed out!

 However, I feel pretty lucky. And not just because I have Kurt's little cutie Shamrock:

 Miracles took place this month too. The biggest one was feeling and the possiblity of those

Heavenly Angels
When you are in the "thick" of things it's hard to feel them, other times you can't help but know they are guiding you. Because I am not that smart and for me to do or get an idea and find something- I give props to the Angels. 
Whether long dark nights,
in the mid-day
Sunshine from a Star 8 inch yellow stained glass with lacquered fabric center. Happy Sunshine yellow
bright and early.
Or your mom reminds you of them and you stop, look back on some events, and have to agree; angels are there.
Kurt's star entitled: "My Mother's Star" in memory of his mother.

As a result of doing those things and keeping in mind that others are there helping, I had some moments where I felt calm. And at peace. Content.

It was last month that I was able to get some journaling done and that felt good and important. Better than a picture or video. But it has to be written with words like Martin Pistorius uses- he should be a thesaurus. Listening to him speak via the help of his synthesizer computer I just am entranced at his vocabulary. Each word seems painstaingly weighed and measured- but he can do it in the blink of an eye. So it's like hearing a sunset- so many colors and flavors from his words! The angels must have been giving him spelling tests each week when he was in his four year coma. (where he had nothing but blackness and no recollection of anything happening yet he knew about the world, that he had a mother (just didn't know she was his until it became clear as they talked about him, around, him but he felt like right through him."

The greatest joy I felt this month was when I showed my grandmother, who is suffering from Parkinson's Disease and a slew of other things that would bring one to their knees. (Like your shoulder bone having died... things of that sort)

 Kurt's stars.

She lit up. I had an ipad so I could pull up the pictures of them to a size that she could see. And shoe LOVED the bright ones.

She was so excited!

It was pure delight. And then yesterday I took over his Raspberry little cutie and oh, boy.
She makes
Raspberry jam.

Well, she used to make it and we'd have it with homemade bread at her house......

To see her DELIGHT was so gratifying to me. More than anything. I showed her some others I have and she loved them- I had to leave them there. After I put them up with those Command Clear hooks.

Of course we had to have the gal that helps her clean her windows off first, because she loves her windows clean and sparkling and then they were ready for the stars!

 I ordered her the one she picked loved after looking at my ipad in its bulky, homemade case that is wrapped in bright yellow duct tape. (It's easier to hold if you have arthritis. )

 But the photo taken made her think it was two tone by the way the light hit it.  So I ordered another.

I better check Kurt's return policy... ha, ha. Or I'll be adding it to my collection. No biggie.

He and Becky are in the midst of moving! Yay for them! I can't wait to see what his grays, blacks, whites and the back yard look like!!! Especially amongst his wood carving art, stars, landscaping abilities and flowers.

Becky wrote me and told me in detail what plants are going in (their son is a horticulturist and I'm a past city flower girl so, basically same thing. Ha! Yeah right! But I do love flowers!!!!)

It came, her bday isn't for awhile
I was listening to music I liked. Writing and thinking while writing in my journal and journaling for Jaden about his past ski trips. Then I couldn't write. So I just thought about them and figured I'd journal in heaven since we have eternity, or is that how it works?

I have decided the only reason I am on the earth at this time was because I might have been helping pick out the floral arrangements for meadows, etc. and it took me forever to get the right color scheme.

okay, I can't blog anymore it is exhausting and adding pictures is exhausting. So I will post this now.

And that is why we have Leap Year, folks. I needed an extra four years to get things ready for a bday.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Part II Cause I Can't Sleep

(Picture Courtesy of Kurt Knudsen and his etsy shop.. this is called: Old Glory)

Ugh, this is supposed to be a good job wrapping up Martin's story from his book: Ghost Boy
because he deserves the best words I can whip up because he had 9 years worth of words locked up inside him until a computer could help him speak the most poetic and descriptive words you will ever read, but I am exhausted and unable to sleep. And biting my nails. Which I just had my sister do with cute nail polish. Dang.

Until a person could see in his eyes that he was in there and aware of much more than they thought, was tested and found to be exactly that- aware and smarter than the average joe (he was fixing computers within no time) he was stuck in prison. His body was his prison. I identified with this on many levels. Hence the tears and an email to him in the hopes that he will write me back so I can save it in one of my journals. It would be an honor. If I only had his strength......

Just read the book.!

Yes, there are some moments that you wish that bad things didn't happen to vulnerable people like him at a time in his life when he could only endure, but Martin doesn't dwell on it and his candorand bigger than life spirit, will whisk you away from the pain and into the pure joy he has for life,

for a brain that busted the chains that held him back,

Old Glory Star- 10 inch lacquered glass red white and blue patriotic star

and the possiblities if one only has the courage to dare to dream.

To dare believe in miracles!

And then there is Joan (pronounced) Joanna? Whose soft, British accent lends itself to the charms of his deepest hope in finding his other half; the half that speaks volumes to his that communicates everything with just his twinkling eyes and calming and infectious smile.


 Yay those Two!
They deserve so much happiness. I want their dreams to come true. For Martin to drive a car. he works so hard and they want to start a family and own a 'bungalow.'
Betsy Ross- Patriotic Stars and Stripes 4th of July decor, 9 inch lacquered red white and blue glass star
(starts courtesy of Kurt Knudsen on his etsy store. He has tons of different kinds so take a peek!)

As I have gone through life; lost capacities, felt fear and then found peace over and over again with each loss it has driven me to find others and listen to their 'stories.' I appreciate the courage of Martin. The hell he must have endured within that 9 year span and the lonliness. Oh! I ached to read him a story or engage with him as he was that boy. But there are plenty of kids for us to bless.

One is sleeping in the room next to mine. He's had a great week and a tough week but he takes it in stride. I admire him, too.

I am grateful to know God was with Martin in his darkest hours, that an imagination can a child or yourself get through a lot, and that we can choose to vanish or forge positive thinking- it all lies within our thoughts. Easier said on some days.

Truly he found freedom. Even when propped up for hours at a time watching Barney, he found freedom from it.

On that note I will end with Kurt's version of the sunflower. Those will grow wild amongst the raspberries as I am retiring from gardening for another season. Rocks and Stars will be my flowers until this body gets off prednisone for good, avoids getting hurt, and steadily heals.

It can happen.

In due time.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Review of Book: Ghost Boy- about Boy Trapped in Body

Star Spangled
(Star courtesy of Kurt Knudsen on etsy.)

It is George Washington's B-day as I write this little review about Martin Pistorius (the man who wrote: Ghost Boy. A book about a boy from South Africa who broke from the prison, which was his body, after suffering a bizarre illness.

This man is quickly becoming someone that brings tears to my eyes.

It isn't about that Olympian Dude with the same name. So back to my self imposed book review in order to keep my brain trying and pushing itself after the latest whiplash. I think the Ocscars are going on and there is even a movie about it or something I noticed as I went into Yahoo.

(Kurt Knudsen's etsy store sells this fav: The Jefferson.)

Any- hoo;

One day this normal, healthy young boy came home with a sore throat.  Eventually his body shut down into a complete coma with just a blank stare left in his eyes. Doctors told his parents that he was unable to think more than a two or three year old, treated him for TB and another infectious disease. So his mom quit working and took care of her son for a year.

Can you imagine? One year. Then two. Martin didn't die. He lived. But he may as well be dead because, as he put explained what transpired was as if he were in a show about a person who had died but didn't realize they died; everyone talked about him to him, but never SAW him in there. He may as well have been a ghost boy.

(I like the denim look of this one.... courtesy Kurt Knudsen on etsy)
The coma lasted for four years.

Doctors assured his mom, Joan, that he would likely die in a couple years; keep him as comfortable as possible- he would die. But he didn't. In fact, he came back from his dark coma. Slowly he was aware. More aware than the Barney, Lion King and Teletubby re-runs that played over and over at the Care Center that he was taken religiously by his father. - A father he realized was his but didn't remember. Yet, he could recall being glad he wasn't born and living in Greenland where there was no light like there was in South Africa.

He had so much time on his hands to stare at the shadows on the floor, that he learned to tell time by where it was and when a person would ask what time it was. He mastered the clock.

Unable to tell his parents that he was there, inside his body, he was imprisoned in the silence of his life, the inability to tell someone he was too hot or food was too hot, that his body hurt from being in a certain position for some time: for 9 years.

Eventually a woman who worked as a massage therapist came to work on his gnarled hands and feet, his tight calves, legs of his contorted body. He literally was closing in on himself.

(Very cool star courtesy of Kurt Knudsen on etsy.)
I will write more on how Martin Pistorius broke free from his prison more tomorrow. 

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Best Made Co. Picks Idaho

(A guy serious about keeping his GFeller Document Case close by so he can safely stow away  his work plans)
I love Best Made Co.

They came through on a Christmas present for J. during the holidays, talked back and forth with me about the products and then when I gave some ideas and hints I was surprised to see in my email a product that seemed just for me!~ 
The Bonded Field Case Set
*whoops! Forgot to show the very thing I was dreaming of that they would make for me and have it be water proof- see the Red journal in there? I heart it. I see me writing in it leaning against a lion in Africa then standing up, zipping it closed and not worrying about the Lion's drool ruining my Journal.
I picture me not ruining it in my daily activities and then, yes, standing up and zipping it all up with a bit of flare. 
That leather doc. case is made in Idaho- a small firm that normally makes products for archaeologists and geologists.  Go Idaho ! We've got some great reasons to put your business here. But professionals aren't the only ones that appreciate good leather.
P.S. Don't you love the smell of leather? Wow. I do. I better smell this company's leather before I put my bloggin' back behind them!
The Gfeller Document Case
(oh, check out those letters ready to be put in the mail box. Gotta love it.)
I will keep you posted. Or ask Nick at Best Made to tell me if it smells good.

Obviously  their journal protector had already been in the works, but it was amazing how I mentioned the  journal protection and the EXACTLY what I needed came into my inbox the next day.

My journal journies to Dr. offices, waiting in Pharmacy lines, is around grandkids, gets shoved into cups and glasses full of water or whatever.....

And it gets packed to cars and dropped in a puddle or snow.

Bonded Zip Pouches
(This is an nice little water repellant zip pouch- I'd need the ditty bag. Oh, wait. One is around here somewhere.....)
After the accident things were scattered in the car. Before my Dad had it taken to Dan's Collision, I had to get some things straightened up.
C.C.G.F. Badge Set
(photo courtesy of Best Made Co.)
Among all the crumbs and dirt/soot on my floor mat was this badge: Fortitude. The one badge I placed in the car to give me strength. I had it placed next to the digital clock so I looked at it often.
Look it up in the dictionary.
I am tired. And I just broke one of my stars so I gotta send it to Kurt. Who is really busy moving into his new house and making stars. I got a box from him today. I received this star:
 (The middle one- it is part of the Kurt Knudsen's etsy shop. And called 'Flora Lima.'
I think I love these stars because the artists love flowers and plants, have lived in places where the colors and people come out in their stars. They lived in New Mexico. You can feel and see that flare. They have traveled and you see the colors of food, the ocean, everything that would transport someone that can't get there......
Thank you, Knudsens. These stars take me there. And Best Made Co.- you make things for the Adventurer. Who knew a patient would need the designs and good products to help them navigate through the process of disease, insurance, and the world we continue to find ways to be a part of and communicate.
I am shaking right now so it's time to stop.

We Were Rear Ended

 (Piggy & Dirt call this star: Plump Poinsettia, but I think it should be a year round red !)

Readers, it's here!

My post on myofacial pain!

I said I'd write about it a bit and here it is!

**Actually,  Readers, it isn't . As the post title states; we, as in:

 J & I, got rear ended in our car.

You read correctly. After getting the car all spiffed up at the dealership and back home with our new digitally engraved keys, we decided to go on a little date that led us to our fate.

 I have had plenty of people from insurance companies call me since then.  Just when I get to know one of them, and have faxed pertinent information, they have to pass me off to another person or adjuster. Who I have to re-tell, re-fax, get to know in a futile effort to have the situation taken care of. I don't know if they are aware of how stressful this is after you have been in an accident. Is it done on purpose? Are they really there to help you? My brain gets strained thinking about it. I know it is serious and needs to be addressed, paper filled out to the best of my knowledge, and ifnrmation

 (hey! Just realized Piggy & Dirt have a 'Pisces' Star. In teal to boot! woo-hoo!)
So "myo-who- ha" pain post will have to wait.  I am enduring  more of it due to the accident(s) so it should be pretty informative.
For now i need to just write. Journal entry type write. I locked myself out of  the majority of the situation.
I am not one to be superstitious; but the accidnet  happened on Friday, the 13th.
This is a good op to plug Kurt's 'Piggy and Dirt Stars' on etsy that are along those lines:
okay, that eye is creepy! And not one you will see me buying. But it does go well with Fri. 13th. As Does Kurt's 'Cranium Compendium':

No, I did not have a cat cross my path before getting rear ended. I sure wish I would have used my noodle and NOT taken 17th street. But I didn't know if J. wanted to slip into Sports Authority to look around. I wanted to him to have a night out with me.
Instead of Sunnyside, we took the busy 17th st. My P.T. said Sunnyside was just as busy that night anyway.  To my surprise, lots of folks were out celebratingV-day a day early.
As were we. We actually don't do a lot of celebrating of the holiday but I have always tried to make it "fun" even if it meant just those cheap vinyl clings stuck to the mirror or the window so kids can see them on their way to and from school. I always looked forward to the simple, traditional decorations my mom would do for us.
Sugar cookies was an all time favorite thing to do.
This year, to J's sadness it was really warm outside. The sun has been shining and there was literally no wind.
Readers, it was better weather than in spring or June for that matter. I have no idea what the deal was.
So there we were on a Friday night and Padre turned on the TV and we decided to go out.
J was hungry so we swung by a fast food place to get him something to eat before I filled the car with gas or took it through the car wash- all things we didn't get to due to the next few events.
While J. opened his Western burger from Carl's J. I felt like we should

pause for prayer.

Normally, he will say it but I will drive. This time I felt impressed to do more than that and actually be reverant since we had the time.

We pulled off to the side in the parking lot, J. prayed over the food and then I felt like I needed to add to it so I did one and, surprisingly, I mentioned the car a lot. Glad we had it, that we had it back and it was a good car and that we could keep it that way. And I wasn't saying that to inadvertently let J. know he should be careful with getting food on the seats. It was just a simple prayer and I left the place feeling gratitude.

This is where I wish I would have done something different. Like just stop at Wal-Mart and read cards or something. Anything. Anything that would avoid the next few events.
If I was more content with my life or didn't want a Jamba, would we have just gone home?
Either way,
we took our time to enjoy the ride and then we came upon the backed up traffic. Everyone was hitting the good restaruants along Hitt Road and that backed up 17th street. doh!

We were getting close to the mall when we had to slow down, and wait for traffic ahead. And then, with the help of my rear view mirror, I entered into those split seconds where you make lots of decisions/ weigh their outcomes and then do the best you can and wait.....

for everything to change.
(Piggy and Dirt Star entitled: Angels Among Us)
 Do you believe in Angels?

Or prayer?

Had they [those angels] tried to tell me to "stay home"  or "take Sunnyside" ?
Either way, we were where we were. And I left to send up a final prayer, or comment:

"Oh, please no. "

I really wasn't in a position physically to absorb another wreck and this weighed heavily on my mind.

I felt guided as the final split second decisions of the night occured. I was glad that J was seat belted in because I couldn't concern myself with that as I did what I had to in the car. His voice and converation faded out as I took in everything in slow motion yet hyper speed. Adrenaline must do that. After all I could do I was left to the time that comes when

there is nothing more you can do.

And that's when you really hand it over to whoever is assigned to you from the other side.

(and try to find peace- Piggy and Dirt's version in a Star- find on etsy!)

Like jumping into a

swimming pool

(Piggy and Dirt's star: Swimming Pool)

I took a quick breath and held it while I felt myself, or instinctively felt myself warn:

"brace yourself."
(not just for the hit but for the aftermath and it was something I could not even tell Jaden because it all happened so fast.)

 I locked my arms as hard as I could as the yellow lights filled the rear view mirror,

(Happy Sunshinny from Piggy & Dirt's etsy stars - obviously looming headlights in your rear view mirror feel the opposite of 'happy sunshiny' but ya need to stay positive post that moment)

pushed my back against the seat and prayed for my neck and then I had to allow the laws of physics do their thing.

Ya know that awful feeling you get when you can't change something,
especially if involving your child?

and it replays in your mind like an old record needing the arm lifted and the needle replaced to a groove that plays a song.? A little bit on the pshychdelic side?

(Kurt Knudsen's Groovy Star on etsy)

In a car accident it happens to be a song you don't particularly care for.

It fills up your dreams, at least initially. It's a powerful feeling. The following days were physically worse than the first. And right now isn't so great or I wouldn't be up blogging about it all.
*(That sentence came a week after being hit.)

I was so grateful to those who were prompted to come over with out knowing what happened.
I actually got professionally made sugar cookies from a friend who bakes at one of those yummy cup cake places.

She. helped. me. wash. my. hair.

(The blue center in Star of Provence by Kurt Knudsen)

I tried to hang my head over the tub. It needed to be washed and oh it hurt. Not just my pride but the way in which I had to twist my noggin' in order to make sure she could spray the hair but I had to lather it as she is injured too.

My tears mixed with the stingin' Sauve shampoo and I let it come  quietly. I have not had a friend or neighbor step in and wash my hair yet. That was a first. Sure my beuatician sister has stepped in the tub without shoes on and lathered it up and I paid her as if it were a hair cut.

But for someone to offer to do it to the best they can after a long hard two weeks of baking cookies at the yummy cup cake place.....

You feel  guilty at best. The shame washed down the drain as I felt her concern for me over ride any feelings of pride I might have left.

I don't know how much hair got wet, washed, or whatever. But soon she tossed me the towel and Ipulled with all my strength on the bar Padre installed vertically on the tile of the bathtube area.

Sitting on the edge  I clummsily wrapped my head in it and wore it for as long as my neck could take it then removed it.

No conditioning of the hair going on here. That is for better days. Days when you can lift your hand and rub it in. (I even after wash conditioner.)

and talk about the ordeal because everyone was gone to my grandfather's 90th bday celebration.
One more event missed.

Angels Among Us- Brass Angel center with lacquered lokta paper on glass points- 8.5 inches
(courtesy of Piggy and Dirt on etsy)

Angels aren't just in heaven.

Jaden and I even recieved chocolate covered strawberries and toffee from another friend. So we were totally spoiled on Valentine's Day! So this week I had the daunting task of facing physical therapy, more Dr. appts,  and essentially "starting all over." I have felt that a lot in my medical life! And I know I need to reframe how I look at these changes and not perceive it as starting over.
Although that was essentially how my P.T. described it with his pens- showing me that if we were to give a value of what progress we assumed we'd made from the first go around, and that this accident put us back there, we would continue to go forward.

Which has meant me laying on moist heating pads, receiving ultra sound, and  being stretched out. When we tried to add the strengthening exercises we quickly found it to be too much and had to back off. Sometimes I wonder if I am getting all prepped to be ready to receive more pain. Better to be in good shape when you face pain than be a light weight. Makes it waaayyy worse.

I have mainly talked about myself. Jaden had some minor things come out of it but he is handling it  and seems to be doing good today at least. THANK GOODNESS. He was definitely caught by surprise,  his french fries flew off his lap, and he was scared watching my head bounce off the seat a couple times. Enough to ask me if I was going to keep pushing forward and not give up.
"Of Course I will!! No, I won't Give Up! Do you think after all of this I would allow this latest car scenario be what make me decide to throw in the towel? Think again, my boy!"

Which reminds me- one of the Best Made Co. badges I keep in the car was found on the floor as we were getting it ready to take in to be fixed at Dan's Collision.  It was the round badge that says:


I put it back in the place that I keep it in the car where I can see it often.