Saturday, August 23, 2014

Peach Fuzz and Pep Talk

No, not the stuff that grows on your face on prednisone- but the color on my south wall. I love it. The other walls are in "Alluring White" - not Heavenly Hue, which is what J. and I had been calling it for some time before the painter put it on and I realized it was, well, Alluring.

I love it.

I am grateful that it is on my wall. Thanks to all who helped me take everything off the walls, put paint on, and put everything back up.

this summer started out with one goal: Order.
So much gets out of order when you are sick. And I wanted to get it back together as a stay at home daughter. I thought it would take a month or so. We are still working on it.

But, like a puzzle, it is coming together! And guess what! J. has told me that after his game he will take pictures of it, and upload it to the blog for me. He also said he would take pictures of the flowers and garden.

It is a bitter-sweet summer. I have read my blog and looked at myself from years past and really felt sorry for myself. Sorry.

The flowers have been so great. And as summer went along I loved adding to them. The other day I was out trying to water and suddenly realized I was the one needing water as my arm could hardly hold the purple wand up.

After getting in a lot of my special saline in (1 liter of water with 1/2 tsp of both salt and baking soda plus 4 T of sugar, which I adjust, ) I was able to do better.

I have a lot of thanks to people like Marnie, Nat, my neighbors, people from church, and J. that helped me get organized. J. and I have had a calmness to our lives especially now that everything is almost put back together.

The biggest wish is that I was put back together. ay, yi, yi.  Setting goals and accomplishing them are very different now than a long time ago. It is so hard to hit the "set backs" when you are moving forward and WANT to keep moving forward.

I had a friend chat with me the other day about someone she knew who had worked really hard trying to obtain a degree. She had family coming to support and even throw her a party. Problem was, she failed the final.

Annnnddd had to go home to friends and fans and tell them. It is kinda like the episode in which Mary, in Little House on the Prairie goes to that state math exam and ends up taking 2nd. Well, she had to ride the stage coach back in to Walnut Grove and face the whole town. (who knew she took second)

"Oh, ma!" she exclaims as they pull into town and Michael Landon is there holding the baby and the band is playing and she thinks she has to tell them she didn't take 1st.

They know but that one guy wid dee accentah says something to the effect that they are still proud of her.

It must have been like that for this gal who tried really hard and has to try really hard again and re-take the test. It's hard. Coming in 2nd- or not even getting to the event, is hard. At least Mary knew math pretty well.

But, anyway, it has felt like that this whole summer, off and on. Ya want to do really well for all those Walnut Grovers, but ya just fall short. ya know?

Last night, despite my own feelings, I had my J. to pep up. So I first consulted Dr. Suess in a favorite book, which I read to him and it has been a loooong time since we read a picture book before bed.
The book is the one about the places ya go. - how you will be famous, except when ya aren't, and the best of the rest, except when your balloon gets snagged in a tree and then ya aren't in first then either.

And how you can hit the slumps and unslumping yourself (like when ya get mono) is really hard to do.

And how you will face your problems head on. And they happen to have a big bum. (the illustration of the monster the kid goes up against has one-or it could be your own bum too. but that is another post)

And how you will move mountains. Hard to imagine doing- moving a mountain. but it's apparently possible.

Football season is here. Along with dumb injuries that make it that much more fun. Which makes ya need that much more pepping up.

After Padre had flip flopped down stairs and said something about not being able to close the paint can lid I had in the bathroom because it may splatter all over his flip flops, we had a good laugh and got down to the nitty gritty pep talk. About who you are. On the inside. And what you can become.
It's hard to see that. Not for a mom to see that in her kid. Or a teacher, or a friend, or whatever. It's hard to see that in yourself.

He even told me: "That's easy for you to say." And, Readers, it is. I don't have a problem looking at J. and telling him what qualities he has that amazing. It isn't hard to smile and look at that kid and not love him. But I'm his mom. And so, yeh, it's easy for me to say that he has the talent and ability to become what he wants.

J. listened quietly. And we had our family prayer together, he and I, right there in his room like we do most nights and it felt like the final touches to the pep talk I gave him.

Now, really early in the morning, I am reciting and trying to believe those same words I gave him last night. That life can be scary but it can be great. That there is so much to look forward to!

The words to a song from one of the CDs my dad gave me is of little kids singing the lines to a song and one phrase: "try, try, try." plays over in my mind.

Readers, I am. I try to stay hydrated. I rub that Vick Menthol stuff into my muscles and I massage the muscles that are spasming at the moment in my forearms and I type on. And I hope that what I am able to do is enough. It isn't much. Maybe things will change with the Entyvio, if I am approved.

Who knows? Gotta just keep on keepin' on.

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