Tuesday, August 19, 2014

I Was Gonna

wulp. still up. yup. dang prednisone. or lack of discipline? I was feeling pretty resilient until I just got outta my bed using my "bed cane" for assistance and that made me doubt myself briefly cause i'd been reading a succesful person's blog.

And then I walked passed the mirror. Ugh. The mirror. I moved my vanity over and that helped curb my vainess. But now I had to address the cushing's syndrome-ness of prednisone and I feel like I need to make an apology tour to all those that dated me because you know how it is...

Then I walked up the stairs. Uh-oh. Arthritis. Oldness feeling. My mom runs circles around me.
In fact one day, when we were trying to fix something in my room, she tried to lift the bed by herself and I of course stopped her as she was trying to get under the bed and bench press it.

"I lift trampolines, Amanda!" she tried to re-assure me.

I stopped and realized that my mom did- does lift tramps into people's car cause that is something the craft store sells. Which is kindo random,... but where was I going with this?

Oh, my mother.

She is so strong. And I had all these dreams and dealing with 'this' wasn't one of them. Being strong for her was another one of those dreams. Cause who doesn't want to build their parents a home? save them from any sort of worry or turmoil in their old age? I felt so prepared to do that for them.


I was gonna write books! I had so many stories to tell. Heart breaking, thrilling love stories. Cause I've had some really good ones.

And they became journal entries. Or scraps of paper flung into the clear rubbermaid boxes so that I could still see them and know they needed editing. Or maybe just left; "As Is." Cause I don't want to go back and write those stories now.

But I was gonna at one time. Now they seem to be just fine in their little containers. And here is where my story is. I finished up in the bathroom and while i washed my hands, instead of dogging on my refelction in the mirror I read the quote on the mirror that talked about overcoming adversities and then lending a hand to those who are struggling in their own and trying to find a safe shore or harbor.

My crippled fingers can still put out if I wait til the storms subside. And I can share stuff with you. Reader, that may help you during a hard time.

I can tell you that I have a "communication dry erase board" on my door so J. and I can, well, communicate. It says:

"Knock First."

I guess I am supposed to write my schedule down, like giving a report on where I am at. Log in how many hours I slept, and other medically important information, or whatever.

below it are x's and o's. J. scribbled a football play on it to describe some strategy or something. And I can't erase it cause it's so cute.

So that is our communication with the world, Readers. And I better try to get some shut eye cause tomorrow is a new day and I gotta get through it with a smile on my chubby cheeks.

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