Thursday, January 1, 2015

It Snowed! Time 2 Hunker

A lot of prayers were answered for those who were wishing for a White Christmas!
"I hereby declare ONE more week of Christmas!"
Because I didn't get to half of the ideas I had gleened for several months accomplished!!
And I want that Christmassy feeling for another week. I want to look at the lights and still have that anticipation and excitement to watch people open the gifts they received.
Padre loved the book I gave him. It was on wood. Who knew there could be so much to say on the subject. But it is quite interesting and I can't wait to borrow it.
He also got some band aids that look like bacon in his stocking.
Madre loved her star.
Another reason I want the extended Christmas is because
when you are sick EVERYTHING takes
so long to get done,
have done, wish were done, and I'm done after a little while of celebrating- I need a nap.
By the time I get up from the nap, wrapping paper is strewn across the house, toys are being assembled, and the older folks are clinking glass goblets with grape juice in it to ring in the New Year!
Okay, so I am exaggerating. But I am NOT kidding about the SICK/TIME TABLE deal.
If I have to get ready for something, I'm tired by the time I'm ready.
While I get ready I have the constant pressure from J. rolling on the ground complaining that he is aging during the time it is taking us to leave.
J. was hanging out in shorts and a hoodie a few days before and what little snow we'd gotten, the wind had taken from us leaving the drab grass look.
All the while that I struggled through Christmas Eve and into Christmas day it was gently snowing outside.
Santa had an easier time landing on the rooftops with the blanket of snow left that night.
Today J. was able to untangle his sled from the blue lights I'd wrapped around it and actually USE it for its original purposeand that is to sled!! woo-hoo!
(I hope everyone is enjoying the unfocused look of most pictures. Me trying to be artsy. )
So now J. has all his wishes for a perfect a vacation. Oh, but wait! It takes money to go to those places to ski, etc.! So he has to work to earn the dough to do the things he wants to do.
Don't you love life??
With the arrival of snow it meant one thing: I now had to do what I was saying I would do the whole month of December; hunker down.
Every time I painstakingly went out to get yarn or some craft from the Craft Store I would tell the cachier that I was, "Preparing to Hunker Down" and imagined doing it while being barricaded in my the house due to blizzards or something and we would be forced to drink hot cocoa, write Christmas letters while listening to Christmas music, and watch Christmas movies while we wrapped gifts.

Or wrap up in a warm blanket and read a book and look at the stars.
Hunker Down.
I thought I would be prepared for Christmas a couple weeks before the 24th and be busy doing nothing and hunkering down. Boy, was I mistaken. Illness and such actually put me behind.
Gifts and cards are still needing to be delivered. I am close to calling them to see if they would come get them. heh, heh. kiddin.
Due to illness and the lack of blizzards we were forced to carry on with our lives and not settle down and do crafts such as cutting paper into intricate snow flakes and whimsical things to hang from the ceiling that would, no doubt, be of pinterest.
Turns out it (cutting paper in German) is A LOT harder than it looks, Readers. I'd have an easier time learning the language.
It has ended up that I have written a few cards in Dr. 's offices while waiting to see them or have pictures of my insides taken.
The stalemate of hunkering down allowed us a window of opportunity for J and I to have pictures takem  that could be added to the cards. Which would be a first for us, Readers!
Now that Christmas is over, I still have letters to write. I don't mind taking my time and letting the cards trickle into your mailboxes. Hope you don't either.
The latest health problem has made it mandatory that I "Hunker," and that means sitting in a chair trying not to move while icing my ribs.
had to sleep for a bit, back now. Was able to get showered and some make up on and then rest again.
Another interlude. Boy, this latest deal is a deal! But by tonight I have felt at peace and rested.
Some times my body can sleep but if it can't find the adrenal/cortisol equilibrium it seems in vain.
Not today. I was able to take things slow. Mentally and emotionally. J. was stellar and a huge support. I just let myself :be. I  did what I could. Stopped when I couldn't. Read when I could.
A book I recieved for Christmas is inspiring me a line at a time. I will rest then read a bit, then rest.
My bed has stayed free of all the projects of Christmas and that has been so NICE! I had a lot of projects going. It was so fun. But they can wait til later next week when my body has healed.
The goal was to keep from needing the Docs until we get back to work Monday morning. This has been VERY hard and a HARD Christmas to endure. Painful. I don't know what is wrong with my side..... and that is always discncerting.
But I just laid back and listened to good music. Or put in a movie and just watched rather than listen as well, so my senses could take in just the colors.
That is one thing that I am grateful for with my illness and how it slows me down; I notice things. Like a bulb going off, something will finally make sense to me. Or a color combination or something to jot down or create on paper in a journal. If I put it in pencil it doesn't quite seem permanent! It is there for me to go back to or someone else to look at and maybe be inspired.
I have been reading here and there and I really want to learn to sew. My body is not the same and it isn't like I am a normal plus size. So I need to learn to sew. I wish I could sew like my sister.
Alas, I took different classes.
Deep down I think I am afraid - which goes against the first thing from our Family Theme for this month:
Remember the little book about Anja? How she had to overcome her fears to reach Santa? I picked up some polar bears and an apple to signify to the grandkids the things that were fearful for her but she overcame them.
Plus she was able to ski. So right there that had to help.
My Polar Bear right now is the hospital. Needles. Tests. Waiting. Being sick with a sore throat.
Asking people for rides to and from tests or the Dr. or hospital. A person wants their independence.
I don't want to face the tests that are to come to find out the latest with my side. I don't want to feel anymore stress or worry. The thing is- whatever it is, I don't have to let it creep in and knock me off my mental balance and focus.
But it may get to the point that I need to suck it up and face those things and get over the hurdle.
Because this set back made it so I couldn't get the infusion of Entyvio.
Yup. I had symptoms that the nurse at the hospital said would make me worse if I went ahead.... but it was my choice. None of my doctors were there to help make the decision.
It was just me. I lie. J. was there holding my purse so my load was easier to bare up the elevator.
"Mom. Don't . My stomach is saying don't do this."
Mine was too. But I almost felt mad at the system. At the Dr.. office that didn't do all the tests days before because they wanted to get outta there and to Christmas celebrations.... I don't blame them. But I needed information to make a decision. A huge one.
Entyvio would dump my immune system. And I wasn't ready for it. I need it to stop my body from attacking itself. But not on top of the virus already attacking. I have had to quarantine myself quite a bit lately in order to keep pregnant family members safe just in case. And to keep me healthy and ready to do another infusion.
Like I said- I felt at peace today. And that was a good thing.

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