Thursday, September 26, 2013

Telemarketer, "Kevin Cooper", is Searching for Me!

The oddest call I have ever received, took place..
I am still trying to process it.
Normally, if you are like me, you don't answer the telemarketers that call. But lately have any of you had it come through your cell phone? They are getting more aggressive. But after this one, I didn't know what AGGRESSIVE was.
That is like crossing the holy grail of solitude. Although cell phones now mean you are supposed to be available or found at any time and any place and even if you are in surgery and can't be reached someone is really peeved.
 The line should be drawn when they have called your LAN line during dinner on
The Sabbath
 or while you are trying to google something important,
 trying to get in touch with and/orwaiting to hear back from a Dr. that takes years to get ahold of them and they have information about labs sent to another country that is saving your life and there it is;
 a call on your cell from a Telemarketer.
?? I guffawed at the timing.??
That's it! Someone was gonna pay for all my life's wrongs!
I couldn't wait to lay into the victim. I went against everything I know about solicitors!

 I answered!

Replete with the no noise mute button, then the fast intro after I'd yelled " hello!"  
a couple times
(which made me feel better already)
 then I heard the fury of other marketers on their own calls in the white noise background as the call was unmuted.
 My first attempt to hurt the caller was backfiring already.

As a side note- I've done this with Padre as he's tried to adjust his headset and he's never been fluffed about it, so maybe silence would be the best thing....
This is if you don't hang up after answering. But if you want to skewer them then you have to let them give a little of the sphill before you ask to not be called cause you are in the middle of dying.
When I saw it was from Miami, Florida, I was a little curious it may be my Dr. or a lab out of town. But, alas, they fooled me.
And this salesman was of a species I have never encountered.

In my confusion and duress, I tried to understand what he was even saying in a very thick accent. Something about saying,'Yes' to his message, given with the intensity akin to the Second Coming of Christ, this guy sounded like he was a terrorist proposing marriage.

 I am not kidding.

Tripping over words out of shear befuddlement I said:

"Not interested. Take me off your calling list!"

Terror Tele-guy: " No-wah! I whill nhatah!"

Perplexed Me: "what?" (this is me thinking he is under a pledge of the Better Business Bureau Act to say, yes, Ma-am. But to tell me, " No" ??

Empowered Telemarketer: " Nawtah unteell I give you my messhajuh!.... bloha, bolha, blowah."

Me: "I totally didn't even understand what you just said. What is your name?"

Kevin Cooper: : "Khevin Coo-purr"

Me:"Look, Kevin, I think that is the first time you have ever pronounced your name in my language, but I want you to take my phone number off your calling list.!!"

Khevin: "No-wah!"

ME: "I guess I will just have to change my number."

(this guy is already becoming part of my top ten moments in life and then he says..)

Khevin: "I whillah  finda you !"

 (this made me pause and imagined myself at places like Great Harvest Bread eating a free piece with Jaden under an umbrella on a sunny day and wondering if Khevin, the terrorist telemarketer, is searching for me and will find me in person. And share his message.)

Using my shocked silence to his advantage,

Khevin: "You have problem with birth control, no?"


No comments:

Post a Comment

Blog Archive