Up In The Night

I can't sleep. My heart is pounding. I just fired up the computer that Padre put to sleep! ahh.. the joy of being on prednison. I sat in bed thinking about blogging. I have been digging NieNiedialogues.blogspot.com I read over why she blogged tonight before I went to bed the first time.

I thought about all my journals-- lining the closet in my bedroom downstairs. Now I am starting to line Jaden's closet with his. Putting it on a blog is the only option. I am running out of paper. Yes, I can get the 15 cent spiral notebooks at Wal-Mart. Yes, I love to write out my feelings on paper. It's like art. But sometimes you have to just go for what you feel you need to do.And I am feeling that I need to blog.

So I am glad for the inspiration that I have gotten from Steph Nielson. It's time for me to get the guts to do the same. How else can we touch other people's lives?

This isn't why my heart is pounding. But it is adding to it. I am on prednisone. And one of my favorite side effects is sleep deprivation. Hopefully it won't be long that I am on it and if so, then I will have to join the A train. Ambien is great at first. But there have been times (like last Halloween) when I woke up with a candy wrapper clutched in my fist. I was like: "How did that get there?" It can make you sleep eat.

Another side effect of pred. is weight gain. Just tonight Jaden said: "I noticed today that you are getting plump." we laughed.

Earlier today I picked up a new medication that I have never been on before. My stomache has been cramping pretty bad so I took the motorized cart. This is always a pride issue for me. To use or not to use? The pain was enough that I resorted to this. I was looking pretty sharp today in sweats and a long sleeved hoodie to hide the hideous green and yellow bruises on my arm. The result of veins blowing at the last hospital stay. Normally I am not too self-conscious. But there are just some days when you don't want what it is you have been dealt. It isn't fun to always be at the pharmacy picking up meds. Thanks to awesome workers there though. They truly help me out. So today I picked up a new med. An anti-biotic. Initially not even available. They had to order it in. Not a good sign. Then my eyes about bugged out when I saw that it was over 1k. Yes. For a two week course. I was about brought to my knees then and there at Wal-mart. "Thank You, Father. Thank you. Thank you." I am so grateful for insurance. For a med that can help me after struggling for some time with an infection that won't quit. So I took a couple already and just cross my fingers. "Please don't be a waste. Please work."

I was very fatigued today. I got Jaden off to school, did laundry, then rested. Later tonight I got to enjoy watching him on his 'pit' bike. he is getting really handy on the smaller bike at doing jumps off the curb etc. The sun was golden and it felt autumn-ish. I just sat and watched him in that moment. Of course he didn't look once and I had to remind him to go off the curb at an angle. There are tons of cars parked on the road and the kids on this block getting jumping the curbs and not looking.... I gave some of them a talk after Mark told me he about hit one of them the other day. Jaden also crowds around my siblings when they pull up like people do in third world countries when supplies are dropped off after a monsoon or something. Jacob, my brother, gave that analogy. But the kids do just spill around the cars when they pull up. he was chasing after his skateboard and Jacob was parallel parking. Lots of discussion. All my efforts to make sure he is safe with the helmets etc. I cwould be wiped out in on moment.

So constantly I nag. "Watch for cars." It was so timeless tonight watching him. I would hate for that moment to be swallowed up by an accident.

I have to chuckle. The other day when I was showing the boys on the street a pamplet about safety I had them read on the back some words on top of a band-aid. "Stupid hurts." One of the boys was really mad at me, and when his Dad and I talked later he said: "My mom was in a car accident and she survived!"

No one likes to be told what to do. I am glad Jaden listens at least half the time. He has crashed pretty good on the dirt jumps we've gone to or the skate park but he has always been in heis gear. His worst injuries are when he just jumps on the scooter to dart around a second and he falls after a stunt. It def drives the point home.

We found a vacant lot that is similiar to the skate park next to Western Transmission. That is convenient cause we can just ride down Olympia and cross Skyline and boom, we're there. Where as the skatepark is so far a way and a waste of gas.

He was clearing some weeds at teh lot and one occassion I happened to try to read my book. "Mom, why didn't you clap?" I looked up and was a bit incredulous, but felt compelled to hop on my orange cruiser and ride into the lot. I got down there and the weeds he was jumpin were actually growing from a sizable hole. "Wow!" I said honestly. "you cleared that!?" No wonder he wanted some kind of cheering going on. After he does a stunt he throws his head back to adjust his helmet or to look cool. Lets his right hand dangle at his side. Oozing the "I'm bad" attitude.

I try to quiz him on his spelling words during each revolution. Which he calls a 'revelation'. "Mom, I just need to take one more revelation before we leave."



Funny. I can't help but be so proud to be his mom. Every day I learn something from him. Or laugh. Like yesterday he said he got an "office" at school. I quizzed him to see what he meant and it came down to a big divider that is put on their desks for tests. Today he came home and told me that he had gotten so close to winning a prize, but his name got turned over and he has to start over. I can only imagine that it is shear torture to try not to talk for him.




We have been working on getting to bed early. Now that is torture for him. Seeing the sun shining and the kids still playing and I am saying: "Time for bed." In the hospital I watched the news talk about some book called the Nurture Shock by Po Bronson. I need to look into it. But they talked about the benefits of getting the right sleep and how they have done some studies to show that it increased their grades. I thought that was sort of a no-brainer. But I guess the book made the Barnes and Noble top list. So I will google it later or call the local library and have them order that in.

I have a 9 dollar fine over there now. Good grief! It is the most I have ever gotten on it. I need to stop taking so many books at once. They are great about ordering in books that you suggest though if they don't have it. Oh, another book I wanted to look into was one called Emotional Intelligence by somebody Gilmore. Sonja my nurse told me about it at the U last week and it sounded really good. I just finished Charlie's Monument tonight. Alyssa gave me the poem on Sunday and then they let me borrow it. I read it in 7th grade and had forgotten most of it. So it was good to read again.I thought about me writing being like the guy pulling up rocks onto the top of Baldy Mountain. That what I write will be a monument for me; a sign that I have been here. but I have to put it somewhere that it can be seen. Sitting on my shelf downstairs is not going to get noticed right away. So my goals that I wrote down on the last page of the green spriral notebook was to start carrying around the camera more and taking pictures to put on here. The second is to learn to use Dad's new Nikon so I can get really good pics.

Back to School: Happy as a Clam

Memories are resurrected on the first day of school. The smell of school supplies, brand new clothes and shoes, come back to me more than the actual aspect of going. The thought of this made me anxious to get Jaden ready to go to 1st grade!

The last few weeks we have worked on getting school supplies. It made me giddy! Sure we could have gone down stairs and rummaged through the old Schwann's Ice Cream tin to find crayons. But getting a fresh new set from Wal-Mart is the best way to start the year right! And anyway, when you open it the smell of crayon is so over whelming, you about pass out! When this year is over we can add these to the tin!

Jaden was excited to get two spiral notebooks for school journals, now he can be just like mom and record events of the day, ideas, and dreams.

I asked different moms about lunch ideas and we headed to the Albertsons. Picking out granola, chocolate chips, and coconut for gorp; fresh fruit and deli meat for sandwiches.
I made a menu for the week and bought the meat etc. At the meat counter the butcher helped us get fresh Salmon for Tuesday and steak for Wednesday. Jaden started to ask about the clams. He had never had one and wanted to know if they were alive. Doris was so nice, she gave him one and told us to boil it; that it would open right up after that. And, yes, it was still alive!

Afterward we went to Michelle's to really clean out the van and let J play with his cousins.
I put our food in the fridge until we left to keep it cool. The clam experiment was soon forgotten as Jaden scrubbed floor mats, rode a kid's green pit bike, and listened to James' band play Red Hot Chili Peppers.

In the back of my mind I thought to myself: "Where did that clam go?" It had traveled from J's shorts pocket, to mine at the check out counter. Did it fall out? I didn't see it in the car as I washed and scoured. Must be baking on the lawn somewhere at Michelle's!

This morning bright and early Jaden popped out of bed! (see if it continues) He put his Superman lunch box in his bag, ate Peaches and Cream and we took his picture out front. First dady of First grade!

Then we walked to the van, I opened it and immediately was choked with, you guessed it, clam. Horror of horrors. Gagging I opened windows and my memory rewound with great speed to the moment I put the clam in his car seat beverage container. Clam must be a great memory trigger.

There in a little puddle was the gifted clam. Our easy morning speed was throttled into over drive, I hauled the seat out carefully, turned the hose on and washed it. Now we were mildly off schedule. I threw it back in and we drove to school with out noses plugged.

The culprit:



We met Mrs. Hill and Jaden showed me his 'tiny' desk. Placing his supplies on his miniature desk, I kissed him and walked back to my car. I wonder if from now on Jaden and I will always think of the First Day of School with the same revolting wonder as this morning?

Wouldn't this be wonderful addition?

MADSEN Cargo Bikes

The other day we my son and I were on our way to the skate park, we passed a funeral and he started to stutter... "whha whaa arrrr-- Are they having a new grave?" like are they having a 'new baby'?

Giving's Good

Giving is Good

A Roman Catholic economist wrote an article for BYU magazine entitled: ‘Why Giving Matters’.

I found the data he gathered really interesting.

He started his quest to challenge Rockefeller’s belief that he ‘had money because he was charged with helping others. He honestly believed that if he stopped fiving his money in the right way then God would take his money away.' He could not believe this theory, and to prove it he started to gather data.

Here are some of his stats:

In 2006 Americans gave almost 300 billion to charity. (More than the entire national income in Sweden.)

75% of America’s families give every year.

55% volunteer their time (there are a myriad of other ways that are not captured on data.)

The most charitabal state in the US—Utah. Which gave approximately twice as much as the second leading state.


He continues: “there is a perception out there that Americans are stingy” if you listen to politicians… Former President Jimmy Carter said that we are ‘indifferent’ to the suffering of the poor around the world.’”.

“Theirs is a different world than ours. And we don’t really care about what happens to them.” (16th Annual Nobel Peace prize Form, Feb. 21, 2004, St. Olaf College, Northfield, Minn.)

Arthur states: “..the data says that Jimmy Carter is wrong.” !

“Americans give per capita compared to citizens in other countries of the world, we find that the average American citizen gives away three-and-a-half times as much money each year as the average French citizen, seven times as much as the average German, and 14 times as much as the average Italian.”

As an economist, Art wanted to know why.

Wanting to ‘prove’ Rockefeller wrong by showing that you have to have the money before we give it away.

Again the data confirmed it not true.

From a Harvard University study with 30k families across the states looking at people’s service behaviour and charitablity giving he found that: “when people get richer, they tend to give more money away.”

And the real kicker he found was that the “counterintuity of the concept meant that folks that gave away a lot prospered even more.

Broken down to lay man terms he gives this example:

“Two families earn the same, same race, same amount of kids same level of education, everything is the same.. except on family gives $100 more to charity than the 2nd family.
..the giving family will earn on average $345 more in income than the non-giving family- and that’s statictically attributable to the gift.”

This “perplexed” him and he ‘threw the data out’. He wanted to prove the Rock feller that it was wrong. But with different data he found the same results!

He found that people who volunteer do better financially. He even ran the number on blood donations. (My Dad does this religiously and has done for years. I give blood but it always ends up in a lab- but maybe I am benefitting man kind!?)

“The average American family between 1954 and 2004 (adjusted for inflation) a 150 % increase in real purchasing power. Family charitable giving also increased over the same period on average by 190% What this says is that we’re getting more prosperous in this country, and we’re getting even more generous over time.” (bold face added)

Finally he believed that Carter was wrong.

What that means is that “when our country gets richer, people give more away. And as we give more away, that translates into economic growth for our country.

Another example on the country level:

“If we increase our private donations by just 1% , which is about 2 billion a year, that would translate into a gross domestic product of about 39 billion new dollars. If I can take your 2 billion in charity and it into 39 billion, then suddenly charitable giving is not just a great investment for you. It’s also patriotic act for our country because in translates into jobs, growth, opportunity and tax revenues.” (bold face added)

And the result: Happy people.

This sent Art to a charitable psychology collegue of his. He told him: “It’s like the hand of God or something on the economy, and I can’t believe it’s true.”

“Why not? ..You’re a Christian aren’t you?” the collegue asked.

The shock wore off and he sat and listened to the chastizment of his profession always worrying about money. “Money is boring” he stated. “We worry about something that people really care about- the currency by which we really spend our days- that is happiness.”

Successes main ingredient? Happiness.

I have a friend that ran a marathon that stated she heard that they told her to smile while running. So into the 21st mile there she is, touting a cheerleading attitude with her great big smile. It helped her she said. She could tell it made a difference.

“Studies show that when people give, it lowers their levels of stress. Through out our lives if we can find ways to relax, we will profit from it.”

This has become hugely apparent in the news lately.. A musician entertained himself to death.

We balk at this and yet how many excesses in our own lives are killing us? Is it with food, work, TV, sex, salt, texting, etc. that is keeping us from really looking outward and keeping us searching for instant gratification instead of allowing it to naturally hit us.

In a recent article on Jackson the author stated that the musician said after a show he was floating. He felt like he had reached the Zenith of a moment. I had to look up this word even though we had a TV named after it back when Jackson started on the thrill ride. Then we as Americans kept feeding the juke box so to say, and pretty much painted Mike into a corner clapping, crying, cheering the whole while. What part of excess do we play in his life? I wonder what would happen if folks just let it alone. Quite buying the magazines. Quite putting the money into the slot machine and walked away. Would they be able to lead normal lives? Would we?

Back to Brooks’ words.. he reported on another study where the outcome was that those who gave became chosen as leaders.

“Many other studies show that givers have better health, that givers are better citizens they are healthier, happier people- around the world.”

“The number one characteristic of those who give in this county is that they practice a faith. Of people who attend worship services every week, 91% give to charity each year. Of people who don’: 66%”

“We’ve been taught what is right, and we are reaping the reward.”

He wraps it up by saying we need to inspire others to give. How? By giving. Then he summarized the myths of giving 1) that it makes us poor, 2) people are naturally selfish and 3) giving is a luxury.

The data proved that each point was bogus.

Miracle Drug


Last week I was offered a free book from a volunteer at the U of U hospital out of a supply of previously owned books kept on a roving bookcase.
particular called out in the way that they do, like a person on a street that you know you must get to know.

Happily I sat up in my hospital bed and reached for the bindings of the books, running my fingers along their backs looking for the “one” its title: Under The Eye Of The Clock by Christopher Nolan. He was born with cerebral palsy which caused him to be mute and quadripeligic. His mother described him as being: “gagged and in a straitjacket for life”. His parents saw his intelligence underneath his outward body and they nurtured it through songs, constant talking and unconditional love. Then after years of therapy and a miracle drug he was able to keep his spastic neck from going all over the place and with his mother holding his chin and forehead(And I thought pitching for hours to my son got old)with a rubber tipped pencil strapped to his noggin; he typed. 15 minutes and he could produce a single word! Despite the slow process the words flowed from his brain to paper in a poetic way I have never encountered. It opened up the pain and the thought process of those who have no voice.


He published at 15, 21 and around 30 something. . I could not believe that when I googled his name that he passed just this winter, in February. Ironically he was deprived of oxygyn once again and he passed on the 20th from food obstructed in the eating tube located at his neck.

Bono from the group U2 wrote a song about him in 2004. He was one of his classmates.
The song is entitled Miracle Drug.

His mother, Bernadette, said: "It doesn't matter whether you're in a wheel chair or a bed- it's what going on in your mind and your sould that is imortant."

Well, I don’t know what I would have done had I found out he was still alive, but I wish I could have thanked him. It’s a great read. Topping the hilarious book I read called: Born to Kyvetch. (Yiddish is apparently a language set aside solely for complaining!)

But I also turned to the book by Paulo Caulo: The Alchemist- which is a must read in your life time and easier to read than Christopher’s.

A couple of lines from Miracle Drug: “Freedom has the scent, the top of a newborn babies head. Beneath the below the din I hear your voice, its whispering. In science and in medicine I was a stranger and you took me in.”

I too am looking for the cure or a miracle drug for my infirmities, that pale in comparison to Nolan’s yet are wrenching in their own right. Good thing for the medicine of people’s stories.

I Like Livin' This Way

Recently the death of Michael Jackson has triggered emotions across the world.

Captivated we watched his talent catapult him into stardom; held captive by his insecurities and addictions we watched as he plunged into the depths of despair.

Michael Jackson had an unique and somewhat strange way of living, but taken from his own music: “I like livin’ this way.” (Human Nature) He chose his own road.

None of those things could have taken place anywhere else on the globe.

America and its constitution provided the soil for the seed of talent and personality to flourish. Michael bloomed in a green house of freedom (coincidentally during the reign of Raegan and Bush).

Millions around the world were awed by the product of a country that told dictatorship and tyranny to ‘Beat It’. Why?

Could they have been drawn to someone allowed to be what he wants? Were oppressed countries inspired by the King of Pop heralded from a country that reigns as a world power? Americe truly has been the “baddest” (the best) on the global stage. And set the precidence for other countries to follow suit.

Granted such freedoms and abilities can make one heady; get caught up in the glamour on the global stage. It’s easy to shrug off the steps that many took to place us in this position and height. Sending democracy on a road of apathy equivalent to the road of addiction that Michael took; toppling under the moral corruption, not from outside, but from within.

Today many are successfully transforming the face of the constitution right before our eyes causing some like Michael to question his fan base: “Will You be There?”

How long will we allow a scalpel to our rights and privliges; scrape away at the beauty that was and is the Declaration of Independence?

Will we wake up one morning and wonder what it has become? Will that document come to the same demise; making MJ a constitutional poster child?

Will we as Americans be able to stop the self destruction or resuscitate it before it is too late?

Despite her outlandish human nature, America will, in a crescendo of underlying talent that gave birth to democracy, decide if she is gonna make that change.