Wednesday, November 19, 2014

One Way in Which I Feel on Prednisone

Make a Book Page Wreath Inspired by Smith & Hawken

Well, I didn't duct tape my hands together, like I mentioned I would do in the previous post, so I was able to try and make a wreath involving a hot glue gun the other day. The day I promised to NOT do anything in order to save valuable energy. (no worries, it wasn't this one I made)

 (Also see past post on my glue gun experiences while being on prednisone. I have paper thin skin due to prednisone- not a good combo. And I haven't had any desire to use a glue gun until my skin was really thin. So the worst time ever to choose this. )

However, having  my hands free meant I could make it more easily to the bathroom the other morning after about three hours of waking up (after just barely falling asleep), taking my prednisone and needing to go but had to wait until my body could get there! Say that three times really fast!

(That is what a prednisone taper can do to you:  Keep you unable to move until you "unthaw". And making run on sentences. )

Once I was moving I knew I had to keep moving. So what did I do?

( I wish I could show you! Can't because taking pictures right now is too much.)\

(11/24 post of Piggy and Dirt Polka Dot Star! Love! And, Yes, I hung all the things you see on my wall. Did I mention I want a drill for Christmas? A light one.)

Besides throw in some laundry, which wasn't smart cause it is heavy and hurts/blows veins but I was desperate; I crafted. Which is another prednisone side effect to those new Readers/Patients, etc.

I took the sliced Birch tree circles (from my Grandpa's tree and the neighbor's next door when they chopped theirs down) and made a small wreath out of it.


Cardboard and the glue gun. Yup, I pulled 'er out. Again. I had to see if it was true about this one wreath a blogger said would be taking a looong time to create a million rosettes and she promised it causing over 200k glue gun burns. Which was the part that sold me; the glue gun burns. Because only doing acts of stupidity can you really achieve the full gammit of Prednisone-ness Bliss. So I tried to make a rosette. I pulled a book from the shelf. Don't worry, it was an old one about Business Law; tore three pages from the index and drew a cyclone on it . Then I cut along the lines, started from the outside in and wrapped it tightly.

This was the part where the firing, scalding, lava hot glue gun came in handy. Guess what! She [the blogger]was right! I burned myself three times and it took about five minutes for me to get it how I wanted it. Which was perfect. So I had and am in the process of making a critical choice. Do I make a zillion of these or just 3? (to go on a gift for cuteness sake)

 I guess I am going to have to expect to finish it by next year's Christmas if I go with the zillion and all the burns. Oh! And now my return button won't work on my computer!That's right, Readers! This laptop has done its best. And is now apparently done. I was even going to share with you what the Survival book said in the first part of his book... (Mike Hawkes) But now I'm too discouraged.

Ah! I fixed it! (this was a few minutes/afternoon later, Readers. That's why I went back and added some stuff up above and I have the return button working.  But now I am too tired to write what he said.  It is evening and I am sure i used up my allotted cortisol just talking to Padre about technology, Nick at Best Made Co. about how axes are made from Appalacian Wood and other cool things, and making sure to drink a ton of water. From a mug. That I spill no less than five times a week in my bed. Because I cradle it to me sometimes and keep trying to push fluids..... I know I should just get my camelbak out but that is annoying to clean when ya don't feel well. ugh.....

If you are tapering from prednisone after a "short burst" be ready for some pain. I know I have told you all this and those of you who are here to see the wreath I made are sick of hearing it.

 Apparently ibuprofen helps. I can't take it cause of Crohns disease; makes ya go into a flare. Which, if you are a Crohns Diseased Reader you also share in this lament. And if you are dealing with asthma/asthma flare it sure would be nice to have the relief to those muscles involved.

It's a different day than above. It's early morning. One of those wake up and feel I made it and find out it is only 2:30, mornings. I have the racing heart. Not the one where you are nervous to run in your relay track event in junior high, but the one where you are just minding your own business and prednisone decides you need your heart to start racing like you were getting ready to get into the blocks for your track and field event.

It makes no sense. Whatsoever. And it hurts. Sure it is handy to have this response before running your race. It may actually help! But it doesn't help when you are given this random trial at least 50 times a day. It makes you have to settle it down. With meditation. Or possibly some yoga. Breathing slowly.

Readers, right now I feel like my legs have been beaten with a bat. I think I need to eat a banana. That bone pain is excruciating. And my feet. And it is sub zero outside. And inside my feet! Why? Prednisone.

Another horrible feeling is while one tries to ignore all this and go about all that, you have this feeling of being pushed forward. Going on fast forward in your brain because of the prednisone. But also this odd feeling of someone kind of pushing you in line and you can't move more than where you are so you are trying to stand your ground with someone trying to push you off balance.

As if you were top heavy and coming down a mountain way too quickly wearing a pack that is way too heavy and being chased by a Grizzly Bear. Along with this predicament prednisone places you in, there is this rushing feeling of what you would like to do. Or craft. Or just set some minor goals like attend Notre Dame. Or fill out scholarship apps when you are already done with college. For now.

(a cute idea from years ago. during the fall)

Once off of prednisone you will look at some of the goals and wonder what you were thinking. Heck, you can still be ON prednisone and trying to eat your dinner from a semi- sitting up and sideways position and wonder: "How did I think I was going to make Thanksgiving dinner when I can't even eat sideways?"

A lot of women may ask themselves that question whether on prednisone or not. In fact, I am sure many women are already developing shingles through out the United States as they try to get ready for Thanksgiving,.

So I am up dealing with things on fast forward. I have looked at several wreaths online and thought how neat it would be to make some along with finish a pillow case along with start a gift for J. out of all his old shirts that he loves and won't let me give to D.I. or those in need because they have sentimental value.

And I hurt in my chest. This asthma thing along with the racing heart is uncomfortable and I can't find a comfortable spot. So I have read some. Looked at the Verizon bill Padre left on my dresser. and tried to start some Christmas cards. I am at a loss of words. Which is why I found that one quote to include in all my cards some posts back because I knew I would be at a loss around this time of tapering prednisone.

The one way I feel on prednsione that I can't get across to you due to the ADD induced side effect, is that it makes me feel mentally s-l-o-w-ed down. Yes, I said I felt like I was on fast forward. But the weird thing is it makes you feel really slow too. Almost as if you have been struck dumb like in ancient scripture or something.

I will do something that someone will say: "Hey! why don't ya do it like such and such!?" And I will sit there like Forrest Gump and blink and wonder the same thing. ESPECIALLY when it is something so obvious and logical. I feel dumb in those moments. Really dumb. Not embarrassed. At least not all the time, but literally dumbfounded. My brain reaches into all its stored memory, grasping for either a word or a phrase or an ability and it. isn't. found.

Talking with people I will come to a word that I can see in my head, but can't say. This really frustrates Jaden. I have to point at it or describe it like a game of charades. Or use this, that, and thing a lot. Which frustrates me. And I am forgetful. I will flip a time of an appt. in my head. Or the spelling of a word. Over and over. Phone numbers or addresses I once knew; gone. Off by the last couple digits. This happened to me when i worked as a broker years ago.

I started to notice I would have a form of dyslexia but with numbers and flip them. Usually in the last four. Is that not weird?

The feeling that I hate the worst is knowing that I won't be able to do what I have been doing. Soon. I will go back from being able to walk, write, read, or whatever and be in my state of inflammation before I was put on the prednisone. I won't be able to accomplish the goals I wrote down for myself when things were chipper on prednisone. Or the ones I wrote before this disease took its hold.

Which brings me to the fact that Time is important. And I realize that I actually have all the time I need to get done what needs to get done. The universe just works that way. After a few years on this trial I have come to see that there is a greater picture than the one I have painted for you.


Yeh, I may have to give up some things that would have been nice to do or have, but eventually, in the end, I will be compensated for it. Already seen it happen in my life over things I thought for sure would not resolve themselves and then they did. Many years later on some of that. But they did.

I know that my legs have felt this horrible before. That I have been very weak and unable to walk but slowly over time I regained this ability. Usually it isn't on my time table but I did. Heck, I was able to shovel a side walk a few years ago! (wait- I was on prednisone when that happened so technically it was with the help of prednisone. But still!) I guess I didn't realize the prednisone would stop "working." That the adrenals could handle that sort of thing on and off for only so long.

Which is hard to think about right now. There are just some things I want to do..... like go sledding. Or skiing with J. Not just ride in a car up to the lodge and sit and knit (can't even do that right now)
But really SKI! Really get out there and sled down a hill and climb back up it.

(J. is way taller now and doesn't even need help hardly! How did this happen so fast?? Wow. )

So the irony of this evil drug is that despite feeling ancy and my heart racing and ready to go- I can't go. Anywhere. Except here. I can make things and create a feeling and atmosphere for the house and yard and for my son. I can help him with his homework and read. But I can't volunteer. Or sub teach. Or even finish some projects cause I got too many going and left them for Padre to inherit.

Wish he'd inherit this post cause I'm done. bluh. I've got that feeling like you have when you need to sweat out a fever. Maybe next time I will get around to writing from that survival book.

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