Falling

 

It is hard to think.

And I've been trying really hard tonight to make some connections. I must have really wanted to empathize with J. and his knees.

 

Tonight I walked upstairs to get some milk. My right foot, the toes, caught the lip of the stairs. Again.

 

Like they caught the lip of the curb the other day. I'd just started to formulate a smile, shoved my hand into the hoodie of my sweatshirt and *doink*.

 

My right leg didn't raise enough. It caught just enough to send me air born. my knees skidded across the sidewalk. right hand came to the rescue and caught my body and head from nailing the ground.

 

thank you wrist and hand. but still the whiplash.

 

i did what only anyone could do, roll around on the moist grass until the cursing storm in my brain passed. i must say I did phenominal at not making a loud racket.

 

but tonight it hits me that i am struggling in this area. endless googling about the connections of prednisone and balance and/or bone fraility have turned up with little results.

 

is this a side effect? of another med I've taken in the past for this disease. is it and me morphing into like a continual brain injury, or what.

 

it is bugging me.

as if nausea, Crohns, two years on prednisone and tapering weren't enough. as if depression weren't enough.

maybe I should google that? depressed and falling. ? I look for stories that could relate and nothing until I start reading my own blog and think I am spot on. Which means I might as well keep blogging in the hopes of helping some other hapless faller who is on prednisone.

 

it could do with the eye sight thing. but ya know it isn't like I am watching my feet as I climb stairs or crawl over curbs.

 

so it must be spatial. either way, I am finding that this year's brain problems have added a new dimension to the disease.

 

pharm companies call me every so often to get updates from me. they wanna track my life. see if their drug has any consistencies with others who have taken it.

 

I get really riled up. to think you go through and sign all the permission slips knowing that you could have the unkown happen- and when it does,you can only be ticked with yourself for having signed up.