Sunday, August 18, 2013

Training Bras

Training Bras don't come with any instructions.  I don't know why they even call them that if they don't include some sort of head's up to the wearer.

They should.
Especially if you are in "training" before you get the Official Training in 5th grade.
"The Video"
far outshines the fact that 5th grade is
Amercan History
and you learn a bunch of songs that other 5thers do, and sing them at the HS to your parents.
And you are backed up by HS bands, I think.
Back to bras.
I was horrified when Madre told me it was time to stop wearing my
comfortable, cotton camisole undershirts that had cut little rosebuds with small greenery on them.
They were like being wrapped in a blanket, securely enveloped from all of the atrocities at
elementary school.
But it came time that they weren't covering enough and Madre informed me that I would need a bra.
I busted into tears. Those undershirts were like close family to me.
And I loved when I would get a new, plastic covered package from Kmart.
One day Madre dragged me
  into Penney's section past bras that looked like headgear for the chest with all of their wires and what not.
my face burning red, vowed NEVER to wear one of those...
That's where "training" in the moniker training bra must have come from, a way to slowly get used to the inevitable;
where you get used to the idea of giving up your comfy camisole for the restrictive devices.
The attendant for the bra deparment probably wondered what was going on as I bawled in the dressing room.
Readers, this was before Britney Spears and wearing nothing was popular in elementary.
And before nail art took your mind off of puberty.
Eventaully through tears I must have decided on the most comfortable padded bra because I started wearing one.
However, I was
horrified to wear anything that would give the allusion to anyone in the class that I had bra straps over my shoulders now.
It was bad enough that I had to wear glasses, headgear for my buck teeth, and now hit puberty before we even knew about fractions.
Or at least before I had grasped the fraction dealio. 
All of these memories have come flooding back as J. is to enter his
"The Video" year of elementary.
We have discussed the birds and bees but it is more like the Ostrich Bird and Killer Yellow Jacket Bees conversation now that we are in a post Britney Spears era.

J. is trying to stuff every bit of adventure into summer before this tortuous year begins.
I guess I should notify Padre of the ensueing video that he will have to go to with J. I think Madre is going to have to give him the Big Bird and Wasp discussion before this takes place.
Oh, I got over my training bra. After wearing it 24 -7 for the first little while Madre let me know it was ok to take off at night.
I am so used to the headgear around my bust that I even carry a card telling me and anyone who steals my purse my exact size.
So glad I have elementary school out of the way. Maybe I should start making instructions for my own line of training bras that will let you know all about acne, boys, how to stay away from cell phone disasters, mood swings, tampons, and so on and yes, take them off at night, forth.

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