Thursday, December 29, 2011

Boy, I feel like a politician; I made promises to blog about certain topics and haven't gotten around to them yet!

I will.

Right now my arthritic joints are making it difficult- which could mean a couple things: we are going to get some serious moisture-snow/rain, or my body is blitzing.

Another promise was to concentrate on Lucie and my feelings on some insights connections. That's been hard because the topic because it has taken on some sacred meanings for me this time around.

I need to ponder it more, weigh which thoughts to blog and which ones to journal.

Just approaching Christ in Christmas this year has been a process. It isn't because I had been wildly shopping like the Whos in Jim Carrey's The Grinch or baking up a storm in order to get goodies to neighbors.

It hasn't been our bizarre blustery weather, blowing wrapping paper around in our snowless soggy wet yard, that we didn't get our white Christmas that Idaho USED to me known for.

And what is up with this wind? Yeh, we get crazy wind in Idaho but today's wind is acting like track season wind. (Springtime) Not December. You can bank on the fact it will eventually snow.

Just not until June.

Thanks Idaho. Guess we'll have to just have a cup of cheer. (Reference to a song off the Old School Rudolph the REd Nosed Reindeer. No, dear Reader, I haven't taken up drinking.

Where was I?

Oh, "What has been the reason for the difficult" for me to spiritually and mentally grab hold of the whole essence of the season.

I can't quite pin point why the whole intensity of Christ's birth didn't soak into my soul-

It feels a bit like going to the eye Dr. in the month of February and the sun is glaring off the white snow; they turn the lights off, dialate your pupils, to the size of a dime, complete your exam, turn the lights back on and non-chalantly send you out into the bright of day.

Yeh, they offer those temporary wrap around sunglasses you can shove between your face your glasses but it still is an ordeal.

So I guess the days leading up to that special day were incrementally special. Little tender, merciful moments that 'eased' me into the feeling; not one big swoop of gumdrops and gingerbread cookies.

That's what I like anyway; the build up to Christmas. The day itself is great. But it's the magic and anticipation of the holiday that has meaning to me.

Some people turn their lights off their trees and houses after the 25th. I can't. And I won't for a while. Because those lights give me hope.

So still keep your outdoor lights on! For Me! My son and I still need to drive around and look at them. It is a tradition on Christmas Eve but when you're divorced, improve comes into play.

However, even with that wrench to deal with, I have needed to rest. I even checked out books on tape so I could rest my throat and mind when reading to Jaden at night. But somehow books on tape aren't the same as reading aloud to each other. And, yes, I still read to my kid. We will take turns sometimes. I like to read to him.

My desperation has caused me ask Jaden to blog about Christmas day- he has done a paragraph.

It's a super cute paragraph. He read a bit to me:

The English major (for all of one semester at BYU-I) in me said:

"That first sentence should be put in the past tense."

Jaden: "Is this your post?"

Me, in the "you got me" mode I sheepishly replied: "No."

I tried to apoligize, reassure him it was his post, that it should be in his own words. Heck, I hated when my teachers bled red all over my papers, too. And you all can see how much I care to edit my own posts.

Jaden's final remark: "Okay then. Now let me write. I can't concentrate when you're talking."

Writers get so snippity some times! - I hesitate giving him a deadline.

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