But for some reason my stomach wants to eat my esophogaus and that makes ya not sleepy.
You trusted readers also know that this blog is mainly about what comes out of my son's mouth.
My fingers in turn type their Mark Twain version of the coversation and there it is; a blog.
J. has finally grown up. Well, he no longer needs me to throw the ball to him. He just needs a ride to where he has practice. Which is good cause I can only do a small version of underhand with baseball right now and that just helps him with bunting.
I am slightly ticked off. Why? Because I spent countless hours talking baseball and sports with him and suddenly, out of nowhere, I don't know ANYTHING. About ANYTHING. Yup, Readers, kids know more than we do so why should we even have a conversation?
Okay, so I am exagerating here. He will allow me to tell him how good he is as long as I don't cheer for him in the stands. (Back in the day I was accussed of NOT cheering for him.- He couldn't hear me. hello. I was the biggest cheermeister for him.
Where was I? Oh, up and posting about the kid still. Here is a little pay back for him thinking I know nothing about baseball.
J: "Mom, you would be so proud of me, I took a professional shower just now."
Me: "You wore a suit and tie?"
J: "Nooowah. I actually used those square thingies and lathered the soap up really good."
ME: "You mean the wash rags? Wow. This whole time I thought you knew what they were and why I color coded them in an OCD fashion; Face, Body, Bum."
ME again: "So this whole time you were in the shower you were just singing? Or if you took a bath, you were just soaking off the dirt?"
J: "Pretty much."
Me: "Wow. I am glad Mother's Day is around the corner. Cause you could use this moment as my gift."
****
Another funny he said the other day:
J: "They (staff at his school) should NOT put kindergartners walking in the same hall as 5 and 6th graders! I trampled one accidentally and got in trouble by the duty."
ME: "How do you walk over someone and not know it? "
J: "Mom, they are this high!! " (he puts his hand close to the ground and it measures the height of a mouse on its hind legs begging for cheese.
ME: " Oh, fooey. They are at leaast an inch taller than that and you should be able to see one or feel one under your feet. Are you telling me the truth about it or did you mean to hurt someone smaller and much more, so ever much more, innocent than you right now?"
J:" I didn't see the kid! It was an accident! And I got in trouble! The duty even told my teacher. But he stood up for me. "
Me: "That is a good teacher. Someone who believes you and will stand by you and vouche for your character."
J: "What does vowch mean?"
ME: "Oh, foo! Look up its meaning and how to spell it in the dictionary so that I can blog about it!
Oh, that's right, you don't use dictionaries anymore cause of computers and google. Never mind finding it, it means that you weren't mean. "
(I truly hope that he was not harrassing a little kid in the hallway. As a teacher/sub in the past I have seen good kids turn into kindgartner trampling animals right before my very eyes. I apologize in advance if my son has bullied or been mean, teased, or lied to you. We are working on it.)
kinda hard when the mom blogs Mark Twain white lies however......
Okay! Back to ANOTHER thing he said:
J: "Mom, you know I appreciate all you do for me. You know that you have taught me a lot."
ME: "Actually, no I am not that great of a mom. We don't even read the scriptures or pray every day like we used to. I am a complete failure. See, tonight is even Monday and we aren't having Family Home Evening. I am sorry. Normally there is a song, a prayer, a lesson, another prayer and then treats. Can we just call the bickering about baseball 'The Lesson' and say our prayers together and you go to bed in your professionally bathed body?"
J: "Well, first I have a question."
ME: "Shoot. I have a few minutes before becoming so utterly tired from a day of doctors, and needles, and lab work and....
J: "well, my question is why did Joseph Smith have a lot of wives. That's wrong. We aren't suppossed to do that."
Yes, Readers, we belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and at one time in our history, certain individuals were called to have more then one wife. I can not imagine how hard that would be. And how hard it was to give Jaden the answer right before bedtime.
Me: "God commanded it."
J: "It's one of the Ten Commandments???"
ME: "No, it is not. But the scriptures do say: 'Thou Shalt Not Trample primary children.' Now go to bed.:
DISCLAIMER: boy, we have really slept through quite a few basics about the gospel of Jesus Christ.
To be honest, dust has gathered on my scriptures. It was a lot easier to read them to him as a kid cause we did the picture book condensed version. Being able to read the Book of Mormon in a month was a breeze.
Readers, if you want to know more about what is inclued in the "Big Ten" commanments and about modern day prophets, or are like J and are wondering why earlier members practiced polygamy, head over to LDS.org
And rest assured, a Prophet of God would not lead you astray. And, no, we don't do that today and no, J, you will not have to provide for more than one wifey.
While you are there you can learn about why my grandfather was Brigham Young. And, also, why one of the shuttle drivers in Salt Lake is a long lost cousin- and he is Buddhist.
Our family tree is full of interesting people because of the short time period when polygamy was practiced it gave us plenty of time to be original and stand out. In a good way, of course.
This site will help you explain hard topics. I am looking at it right now and getting some information to tell J. tomorrow. There is a new video made too. Wow. It has had millions of hits.
And I didn't know that they had so many new videos. We've come a long way since the beginning of our church's acting/video making days.
I am tired. And so you know,
I can't imagine how the earlier Saints felt when sharing their husband came as a calling.
It takes a lot of faith to believe.
oh, and guess what? My first tulip is on the verge of blooming. It's by itself next to the water spout.
oh, and my Padres did a good job as "Easter Speakers."
Kind of a tough thing to do; give a talk on the most important Sunday of all Sundays as J. put it.
It took all of my power to be there and hear them.
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