Wise One Liners

Pics of Grandparents made into magnets that I love.

March 11, 2010

Today we went to Grandma’s to take her some home made cracked wheat bread for her birthday. Abby’s light green tipped acrylic nails matched the curlers she was rolling into Grandma MaryLu’s grey hair. I brought along the book I have been reading, Janette Wall’s: Half Broke Horses to share with Grams, convinced she would get a hoot out of it as well and I needed to share a personal funny story with her.

The book contains quite a few one- liners passed down from Wall’s progenitors of the same ‘flavor’ that exist in our family; when I say that I mean the tough old birds from the depression era, with quick, saucy sense of humors to match their tempers and physical fortitude.

When I came across some of the stories with life-lesson quotes, especially of those of Janette’s Great- Great Grandma, a delicate woman plopped in the Texas Salt Draw with a daughter that wanted to break horses, saved her 2 siblings from a flash flood that lasted all night, and bailed water from the mud adobe brick house during another flood; I had to laugh. (that is one long sentence and it reminds me that I wish I had an editor)
Anyway, the mother would say things like: “Your hair is your crowning glory.” And encourage her to wear it so she could find a good husband. She would encourage Lily, who had an over-bite, to use a silk fan to cover it when she laughed or smiled too big! Mind you, they live in a mud house in a desert but the mom had a wood head board above the mattress they slept on which was the only thing that helped her sleep at night and reminded her of civilization.

Luckily, she had a father who could see her potential in un-civilized country and Lily became an independent pearl-handled pistol packin’ gal who took her horse, Patches, to remote parts of Arizona to teach in one room schools, race horses, and eventually become a rancher with her Jack Mormon husband, Big Jim.

The sage advice from the book reminded me of every time a “wise line” was repeated by a parent or relative of mine; it was like imaginary quotations appeared in the air where the line would linger then bed itself in your brain for the time when you could give it to add to a lesson of some sort, usually involving someone younger. Doing the mandatory pause and letting those same macaroni grammar marks hang in the air for added emphasis gives me a sense of pride and love of my ancestors. This book reminds you of your own stories, the people you yourself hail from.

Some of my favorites are: “Do You KNOW His People?” (This was what grandma Ruby asked when you were talking about some guy you wanted to marry. After going through one marriage, this one really takes on a new meaning. : ) )

“Beauty is only skin deep.” or “Beauty is as beauty does.”

And I can just see when my Dad come from the downstairs of his folks home when he turned 18 round the landing next to the bell hanging on the wall that all the grandkids ring that drive Pops crazy, hurtle the two steps into the small kitchen that we squeeze so many people into on a regular basis, plop his boots on the floor, himself in a chair and while putting them on, tell G-ma Mary Lu he was going to Vietnam.

On a phone call to her Dad Grandpa Ed re-assured her: “Experience is a dear school, and fools learn by no other.” Grandpa Thaylon added today: “That (the quote) was for Craig and anyone else that makes choices that aren’t ‘Red Hot.’” I nodded my head as all my bad decisions branded into me like an iron.

I started asking grandma, whose hands were shaking from the Parkinson’s, about her favorite one liners, just in case I missed some. She started to rattle off the familiars but I kept a pen and paper handy.

Curlers set, Grandma’s head couldn’t reach the dryer set up on the table so Abby grabbed cushions from the couch and propped Grandma up on another chair by my rocker. Facing out the picture window she said:

“I shouldn’t be so short on one side.” She laughed and told me that whenever Aunt so and so couldn’t reach something, she would ask for a piece of paper. Clever. Abby tucked a foot rest under her dangling feet, I tucked in a rice bag behind her shoulders and we took Grandma’s picture.

Dryer bowl humming over her head, I told her that the one good line that regularly comes to me was: “Always make sure you have clean underwear on, never know when you might be in a car accident,” that Grandma Vera would always say. Mary Lu nodded and when I said the car accident her mom was in drove home the point real well she giggled.

I have heard that story quite a bit but asked her what happened that day dangling my pen above the paper.

“Mandy, Grandma was about to leave to get some tests done to see if she had diabetes and when she got in the car she told Dad that she should go in and put her bloomers on.” (apparently these were a garment of clothing in ADDITION to the underwear. )

That was pure inspiration because her and Great Grandpa Ed were in a wreck and it is always the first thing told in the famous story.

The people that witnessed the accident saw Grandma go as high as the Falcon and thought for sure she was dead. Grandpa was thrown, too, knocking his shoes off.

“Now, Aunt Michelle said that Grandpa, after coming to, came over and pulled her dress, back down.” Grandma MaryLu wondered a minute and shook her head. That was someone else. “

Anyway, Grandma Vera had over a 100 stitches, lasted over 40 years more (she died at 103), and that story is carved out in my memory every time I put a pair of bloomers on.

Jaden, who was sitting in the barber chair, now was wide-eyed and focusing on Abby’s silver Octopus necklace. I thought he looked a lot like some of his own ancestors as the strawberry blonde hair fell to the floor and revealed his features.

It made me think about the scripture about the children turning their hearts to the fathers and ask myself, what would happen if they didn’t? What happens in kids’ lives when they don’t know their “story”?

“Well, Grandma, you won’t believe what happened to me the other day,” I yelled, competing with the dryer and age induced hearing loss. Her blue eyes perked up. “I had to run around the block to a neighbor’s so I grabbed a pair of sweat pants from the bathroom that I had worn the night before. Walked down to the house and when I was coming back, I saw a small white crumpled material in the middle of the sidewalk. I had only been a few minutes and was re-tracing my steps so I was feeling the heat. Sure enough, I got closer and it was the dry silk version of a pair of my bloomers. I hesitated picking them up for a millisecond. Quickly, I shoved them into my pocket and sped walked home. Threw open the door and slammed it leaning breathlessly against it for a minute. Shoving my hand into the pocket I pulled out the bloomers and held them up. My face burned and after I checked the size, I let out a horrified yelp almost dropping them to the floor.”

Grandma Mary Lu, rocking from side to side to alleviate the pain in her back and wringing her hands (due to the shakes, not my story) started to laugh til tears welled in her eyes.

Grandma transitioned from the dryer to the foot soak Abby got ready for her and the mellow smell of O.P.I. Mango Coconut had diffused into the house. It was heavenly and while Grandma got her feet massaged I segued into my story.

“I don’t know how they got there Grandma, the Velcro on my jacket, left in a pant leg from the night before, I faintly recall that possibly being the case…?” My voice trailed off.

“Were they clean, Mandy?” Grandma asked timidly. I gave her a confident nod:

“They sure were, Grandma.”